Most females love to decorate their nails with nail polish in attempts to beautify their hands. What most females do not know is that there are actually benefits of using nail polish. Nail polish, along with other cosmetics, can make a woman feel beautiful and confident inside and out.
The Benefits of Getting a Manicure (Pedicures, Too!)
The obvious benefit of getting a manicure is that by the time you are finished your nails will look gorgeous and healthy. While going to the spa to get manicures and pedicures is pampering, it is simultaneously beneficial to treat yourself to a little self-grooming, and to have someone immerse you in luxury can go a long way for the mind, body and spirit.
While a manicure and pedicure are not a full body massage, they can be incredibly relaxing. Many good nail salons will offer a range of services including the very basic manicure and pedicures or a more expensive treatment including hand and foot massages, warm cloths, and aromatherapy. A simple hand and foot massage can perform wonders if you are having an extremely stressful day. The Elements of Using Nail Polish – Cuticle Oil
Painting your nails can make them look enticingly beautiful. However, the elements involved are also beneficial to your hands and nails. Most of the nail polish remover that does not contain harsh chemicals has multiple vitamins and minerals that can actually help strengthen and condition your nails as you remove your polish. Painting your nails involves cleaning up the cuticles and giving your hands and nails plenty of moisture. The same goes for your feet and toenails as well. They need just as much attention!
One of the main elements of using nail polish, or getting a manicure, is the cuticle oil. Although it was once disregarded as being too awkward and messy to use, it is now a regular aspect of any nail treatment. Cuticle oil can be painted on, like nail polish, or applied with a stick or pen. Cuticle oil comes in a variety of formulas including but not limited to almond, tea tree, tangerine, jojoba, rice bran and plain vitamin E oil. While most cuticle oil is in traditional oil form, many now are offered as gels. It is important to know that not only do these cuticle oils and creams keep your nails and the surrounding skin soft and conditioned; they can also prevent the growth of fungus and bacteria. Fungus and bacteria can cause infection so severe that your nails could even fall off. The Nail Massage
Part of any good manicure is the nail massage. This actually goes hand in hand with the use of cuticle oil, as it is often applied directly to the cuticles and nails. At most salons, instead of just allowing it to soak in, it is often gently massaged in for the full benefits. This nail massage is not only great for distributing the moisture of the cuticle oil, but also stimulates nail growth.
Any massage increases the blood flow to that particular region of the body, and the same is true for a hand and nail massage. Increased blood flow to the region allows toxins to be removed as well as the conditioning effects of the blood. Try it by giving yourself nail massages once a week, or even once a day, and you will see an increase in the strength and length of your nails.
Other Benefits of Nail Polish
Regularly maintained hands and nails give a great impression of the amount of care you treat your body to. Remember, while looks are not everything, the way you look is often part of any first impression that you give. Many people notice your face and hands first. Unkempt nails may allow people to think the rest of your life is just as messy.
There are other reasons to wear nail polish as well. If you have flawed or unattractive fingernails or toenails, nail polish can help disguise that. Obviously, you will always want to keep your nails clean for hygienic reasons, but nail polish can cover up unsightly flaws. Perhaps you have a calcium deficiency that causes your nails to be specked with white. A quick coat of nail polish can cover that up instantly.
Many nail polishes produced today, as well as some nail polish removers, are packed with vitamins and conditioners. The days when nail polish was thought to be “poison” for you are gone when people all over realized that it can actually help your hands in more ways than just aesthetically. Beautifully kept nails can be a real confidence booster and a great way to feel good!
Sometimes I walk past a window or a mirror, and I don't recognize the image I see.
For a long time I hated myself. Not just the reflection. The actual person staring back; I hated me.
It took me a lot of years and a lot of therapy to get to a place of self-love and acceptance. The journey there was long and painful and shrouded in hard, ugly things.
Read: 5 ways to deal with emotional earthquakes
Early on in my life, the seeds of self-hatred were planted. They grew and shaped not just the image of myself that I saw, but also the image I believed to be true in my mind. I didn't have to look in a mirror to know I hated myself. In fact, I preferred not to look at all.
There was a period of my life where I literally couldn't look at myself in the mirror. I would walk into a bathroom and turn my eyes from the glass because my own reflection was too painful.
I was filled with so much shame and personal disgust that I couldn't even face myself. But, it wasn't only the image that confirmed the filth I thought I saw. It was my thoughts. The things I believed about myself deep in my heart and mind.
I believed I was worthless. I was too much to be handled and not enough to be held. I was a failure and a disappointment. I was a disgrace to my family. I wasn't valuable. I was ugly, fat, and unlovable. I would forever be an inconvenience and not worth anyone else's time or effort.
I was endlessly disposable.
All these lies became my truth and they shaped everything I did.
So I destroyed myself from the inside out.
I presented an image of togetherness and strength; meanwhile, I was suffering a sick, slow suicide.
I continued behaviors and formed relationships with people who confirmed the lies I believed about myself; therefore, cementing me into those patterns of destruction.
I was trapped.
Trapped inside this body I hated, with a brain filled with lies and a heart constantly bleeding. The life was draining from my body before my eyes and though I could feel it, I couldn't face it.
After pouring out all I had into other people and trying to somehow patch up my holes by seeking their acceptance, I realized one thing; it was killing me. And slowly, I was killing myself.
Motherhood saved my life. It gave me the gift of life - both my babies and my own. When I gave birth to them, I was reborn as well.
I began to realize what I was doing to myself. I began to see truth. I began to recognize the lies I once believed and I stopped accepting them. I began to understand my purpose on this earth and why God didn't take me home many years before.
It was because of my babies and my unhealthy marriage that I finally learned who I was and what I deserved.
Since separating from my husband almost a year and half ago, I've traveled the road to rebuilding myself.
Not every day is awesome, but I am finally in a place of freedom, acceptance and self-love. I feel strong. I feel brave and confident. I feel worthy. I feel like I have a purpose and I'm living each day for that purpose. I feel like I have broken the chains of my past and am living truly free for the first time, ever.
Most of the time now, the image I see in the mirror is one that I admire.
Not because I don't still see my flaws or find things I'd like to change. Not because every day is a picnic underneath a sky full of rainbows and dancing unicorns. And definitely not because I've figured it all out.
I like what I see today because it's the real me. The me that got buried in lies. The me that was suffocated and choked out by self-destruction. The me that got lost living for everyone else. The me that God created and intended me to be. The me I want to be.
I still have "off" days and struggle like everyone else with insecurity and self-doubt and fear. But now it doesn't consume me and swallow me whole.
Today, when I walk past a window or mirror and see my reflection, I see all the things about myself that I now feel and believe to be true. I see strength and confidence. I see resilience and perseverance. I see a person of value and worth. I see a woman.
I see me.
It shocks me a little bit momentarily. Those old lies die hard, and some days for no reason at all, they come to life. They sit dormant for a while and then something, anything, will awaken them and I fight back to the truth again. It doesn't take long anymore, but some days there is a fight. With God's help, I have finally learned to win that fight.
Seeing my reflection - that image which matches exactly none of the lies I used to believe, is liberating. Lies are exactly that. Lies. Even the ones we tell ourselves.
It has been like stepping out into the sun after years of a dark winter or diving into a pool after hours in the hot sun.
These years have been painful. But they've helped me find myself. They've helped me love myself. Believe in myself. Value myself. Respect myself. Trust myself.
The reflection in the mirror and the image in my head finally match.
I stepped on a scale in the doctor's office last week, and I
assumed their scale must be broken because the number was way too high! I
was slapped in the face with a reality I had been avoiding. I had
gained weight. I had slipped into an autopilot of overeating and the
results were obvious.
When
we have any area in our life where we want to make an improvement, if
you're like me, you want to see that improvement immediately. I'd like
to get back on the scale the next day and see twenty pounds gone, but
that's not how it works. I didn't gain the weight overnight and and I
won't lose it overnight. I can, however, make some immediate changes
which will create some immediate improvement and lead to positive,
longterm results.
It's the same in your marriage
The
overall health of your marriage will be determined by what you do
consistently over a long period of time, but you can get started right
away. There are some adjustments you can make which will have an
immediate, positive impact on your relationship. Below are 8 simple ways
to instantly improve your marriage.
1. Stop "keeping score."
Married
couples offend each other every day. We step on each other's toes. We
hurt each other's feelings. Imagine how much your marriage could improve
if neither spouse kept score of every little offense, and instead,
chose to see the best in their spouse and extend grace and compassion. I
know it's tough, but give it a try. It could revolutionize your
relationship.
2. Prioritize what happens in the bedroom
It
takes more than sex to build a strong marriage, but it's nearly
impossible to build a strong marriage without it. Improving your sexual
intimacy will always improve your marriage as a result.
3. Submit to your spouse's preferences
We're
all pretty selfish by nature, and we like to have our way, eat what we
like, watch what we like on TV, and basically have life revolve around
us. The strongest marriages are those where each spouse submits to the
preferences of the other. Be willing to go first! Regardless of how your spouse instantly responds, serve him or her by prioritizing his or her preferences ahead of your own.
4. Communicate about everything
I've
always been bad about sharing details. It's part of being a
stereotypical male, I suppose. Still, I'm learning the value of opening
up about the details of my day, my feelings and my struggles. It brings a
new level of intimacy to our marriage. Better communication creates a
better marriage.
5. Invest in shared experiences
We're
in the crazy years of raising a young family, so we've got to work
extra hard to prioritize time together alone. Make a regular date night a
priority. Find ways to serve together and make a difference together.
Look for ways to create new memories and new adventures together. Your
marriage will be largely built on those shared experiences.
6. Learn something new
I
write and teach about marriage, but I'm still the first to admit I've
got a LOT to learn! Keep learning about your spouse, but also keep
learning about life and marriage. Read books. Connect with some mentors
who could help you keep learning and growing.
7. Get rid of the clutter
When
life is overly hectic, messy and busy, that chaos inevitably spills
over into your marriage. I'm not very organized, but I'm learning the
freedom that comes with de-cluttering. Stop adding stuff to your
schedules. Stop packing more junk into your house. Start having
conversations about what you should quit doing or quit buying. Simplify
your life and you'll improve your marriage.
8. Celebrate the wins
I'm
usually better at pointing out the stuff that needs to be fixed than I
am about celebrating when something positive happens. I'm learning not
to always focus on what still needs to be improved, because it takes my
eyes off all the blessings happening right in front of me. Take time to
celebrate the positives in your life and your marriage and that attitude
of gratitude will help you deal with the negative stuff in a healthy,
productive way.
The Women’s Institute raised a cup of tea in celebration of its club’s centenary last Wednesday. Across the UK, many of the organisation’s 212,000 members were out in force for the occasion: in Oxford, 300 women took to the streets with celebratory banners and a new branch was opened in the city, while in Gwent, more than 700 members gathered at different venues to mark the milestone birthday with – what else? – a tea party.
The organisation previously celebrated with the Queen back in June and members visited Parliament for the first time on Thursday, where, as well as sharing a specially made fruit cake with MPs, the WI unveiled a report detailing the views of its members on matters including family life, work and the environment.
While 95% of the 5,000+ women surveyed recognised that life has improved immeasurably for women over the past 100 years, the report also underlined the many inequalities that women still face. Of those polled, 84% said they find it difficult to balance family responsibilities with work and 79% also believe that being a stay-at-home mother is not valued in today’s society. Despite the WI having campaigned for equal pay since 1929, 70% of women do not believe women are yet equal to men in the work place and 82% believe men and women are judged to different standards. Marylyn Haines Evans, vice chair of the National Federeation of Women’s Institutes and chair of public affairs, said:
This report shows that despite the significant societal, technological and cultural changes of the last 100 years, women are still demanding greater equality and fighting for the issues that are important to them and their families … Moving into our next century, it is crucial for us to work with all our members to preserve traditional skills and learn new ones and to empower all our members to campaign for change in the areas that they see as important.”
Sex ed with Jessica Biel
New mother Jessica Biel this week revealed that, despite being in her early 30s, she had no idea what to expect when trying to get pregnant after she and husband Justin Timberlake decided to try for a baby two years ago.
“Suddenly I realised I really didn’t know what’s going on inside my own body. It was shocking,” said Biel, who found herself thinking: “I’ve been on the pill for so long; how hard will it be to get pregnant?” And so, she teamed up with Saundra Pelletier, activist and founder of the nonprofit organisation WomanCare Global, whose mission is to provide access to reproductive health solutions for women and girls around the world. Together they will be launching a series of sex education videos aimed at making sure “every woman knows how her body works” and covering everything from puberty to contraception. You can watch the trailer here.
#IAmSizeSexy
The catwalk hasn’t always had a good rep when it comes to promoting positive body image, but Ashley Graham, a Canadian-born model who has becomethe face, body and voice for “plus-size” women of late, did her best to change that this week. A UK size 16, Graham used New York fashion week to showcase her new lingerie line alongside a group of other women, all of whom defied the usual model stereotypes.
Graham has always rallied against the term “plus-size”, arguing that it is used to refer to women who wear anything over a UK size 12, which is, of course, most women. Graham used the hashtag #IAmSizeSexy to promote her underwear show, and also pushed her message home with the unveiling of a new campaign for US clothing retailer Lane Bryant: #PlusIsEqual. Abolishing the Eighth Amendment
A group of leading Irish artists, writers, musicians and film directors has this week launched a petition calling for the Irish government to repeal the Eighth Amendment of the Constitution, which gives effect to the ban on abortion in the country. Since the amendment was implemented in 1983, more than 150,000 women in Ireland have travelled abroad in order to have an abortion.
Actor Cillian Murphy and authors Edna O’Brien and Anne Enright are among those who have signed the statement which states:
[The amendment] is a key source of Ireland’s failure to reach international human rights standards and of the state’s failure to meet its obligations to vindicate women’s human rights.”
The petition backs a wider movement from the Abortion Rights Campaign and coalition of pro-choice groups across Ireland to abolish the eighth amendment. Next Saturday will mark the fourth annual March for Choice in Dublin held by the ARC.
Picture this: It’s 5:00 p.m. on a Summer Friday at your office. A few diligent keyboards click away. Hunger pangs roll like tumbleweeds through the now empty valley of your stomach. Dinner is a speck on the horizon. In spite of having stuck to a healthy breakfast of antioxidant-rich mixed berries and a leafy-green-and-protein-rich salad, you saunter over to your only convenient access to sustenance: the vending machine. Here, the closest you will get to fresh produce is the Garden Salsa variety of chips or the “natural flavors” populating the gelatin fruit snacks on offer.
According to New York City–based nutritionist Heather Bauer, office snacks no longer have to be so grim or so desperate. The dietary coach and founder of Bestowed—a subscription service of the healthiest prepackaged, single-serving foods on the market—spends her days combing the aisles of grocery stores and delivering curated findings to a checklist of supermodels and celebrities. But before you overhaul what you’re eating, she says, consider when and how much you’re consuming first.
“When people start [snacking] all day it becomes a problem,” says Bauer of what she refers to as the “mindless munching” that’s often to blame for the occupational hazard of gaining five to ten pounds. Instead, a few simple strategies can keep you feeling satiated all day long and sticking to your nutritional goals. It starts with your morning. “People think they should have breakfast first thing, but your body isn’t hungry, you end up eating again once you get into the office,” setting off a pattern that can snowball your day. Instead, waking up with coffee or tea, then waiting until nine or ten o’clock for your first meal will give you a leg up on your afternoon cravings. Next comes four cups of water, followed closely by lunch at one or two in the afternoon. If possible, hold off on snacking until at least an hour after lunch to both allow your body time to digest and avoid forming the habit of needing something sweet immediately following your soup and salad.
As for choosing the ultimate snack, Bauer’s criteria is straightforward: Treats that are organic, non-GMO, contain less than 180 calories, and are high in fiber and protein will help you stay full. For something sweet, she directs clients toward a fresh apple or orange, “What I call a hand fruit—one compact serving. In a perfect world, we’d have a garden growing in our office.” Beyond that, Greek yogurt will provide all of the benefits of protein and probiotics, while bars such as beet- and sweet-potato driven Veggie-Go’s will get you over the hump of pining for a cookie while fueling you with immunity-boosting vitamins and minerals.
In the realm of the savory, Allgood Provisions Trail Mix is a favorite, but the risk of accidentally consuming all of its multiple servings (which can add up to almost 1,000 calories) in one sitting can prove too tempting. In such cases, she recommends SunBiotics’s prepackaged handful of Probiotic Almonds or to-go packets of Justin’s Almond Butter spread over an apple or gluten-free crackers. Organic popcorn, Brussel Bytes, and Ips egg white–driven Protein Chips will satiate the urge to crunch. But nothing beats the iron-rich, low-calorie benefits of sustainably harvested Sea Snax seaweed. “They come in the classic sheets, a Bugle-like version called Chomperz, and in a stick form. My clients either love them or hate them.”
An extra-long day may lend itself to a second treat, too. This time, “switch to liquid,” says Bauer, who reaches for gut-friendly bottles of GT’s Enlightened Kombucha when she tires of drinking water. “It’s tasty and makes you feel full.” A decaf coffee with almond milk or a scoop or two of Great Lakes Gelatin (a flavorless form of protein that dissolves without changing the texture of your beverage) will contribute to your energy and satiety. Consider snack time wrapped.
Do travelers trust online marketing for their vacation rentals? According to one recent website, 48 percent of us trust search engine results, and 42 percent trust banner ads when looking for vacation rentals.
The proliferation of online scams, however, should give prospective vacationers great pause before committing to a vacation rental marketed online. As with any other big ticket expense, be sure to perform a little due diligence before you sign on the dotted line.
Read: 5 tips for building an emergency fund
Here are some vacation rental tips to keep you from getting ripped off.
Face to face.
When you see an advertisement for a vacation rental that looks too good to be true, don't just sign on the dotted line. First, contact the owner or manager through video chatting or phone. Don't settle for email; too much can be left out of an email. And have some searching questions prepared. Joel Peters handles external relations for Laurier University. He says, "Skype video is the only way to conduct important transactions if you can't meet with someone in person — you can get a valid first impression on which to base your decision."
Check the record.
Unscrupulous marketers have been known to advertise vacation properties that don't even belong to them for bargain prices. If you detect the slightest odor of fraud when dealing with a vacation rental marketer, check the municipal tax records of the property in question to make sure it's under the name the marketer tells you. This is easily done online. Carlos Corzoa manages vacation rentals in Florida, and he advises, "The first rule of any legitimate vacation rental company is to make sure the person who claims ownership has clear title to the property. If there is any question, the property should never be advertised for rent."
Check real reviews. percent of consumers
percent of consumers believe in online reviews as much as personal recommendations. But marketers post reviews that can be suspect. Get impartial reviews from sites like TripAdvisor or directly from Google before you make up your mind.
Use a vacation rental service.
If you find conflicting or confusing claims about a vacation spot you're interested in, you can always bypass marketers and use a service like Airbnb or Flipkey. The benefits of doing so include built-in fraud protection services such as property verification and money-back guarantees. They also offer a secure payment site.
Read: 3 types of junk you may be wasting your money on
Don't pay cash.
Ever. Marketers may press you for a money order or Western Union wire transfer and in return promise significant discounts. Instead, always use your credit card; that way if the rental is scam you can dispute the charge and have a good chance of getting your money back. Brand manager Maria Psallida advises, "Use your bank credit card for vacation rental charges; I find they work faster on disputed charges than the regular credit card people."
P.T. Barnum said "Without promotion, something terrible happens ... nothing!" Marketing is a vital component of every business, including the vacation rental trade. Most marketers and marketing agencies subscribe to a code of ethics that controls their actions. But, like every other moneymaking venture, there are a few rogues out there who will promise you the moon and deliver nothing but dust. Don't let a scammer turn your vacation dream into a nightmare.
If you've hit your first wedding anniversary, then you probably know that the honeymoon stage doesn't last forever. Those butterfly feelings for the "birds and the bees" might have calmed down a bit over time.
If you ever find your marriage in a bit of an intimacy slump, try out these three quick solutions to inspire your sex life!
1. Change up the time of day
Perhaps in your younger days it was never too late (or early) for a little intimacy with your spouse. However, these days your body starts screaming for sleep around 10 p.m.
So try changing up the time of day. Don't wait to fall into bed to initiate sex. Rather, initiate it at 8 p.m. when you both have a little energy left and when you both have some kind of desire to be close to each other. When you wait until your teeth are brushed and the lights are out, your body may have already slipped into sleep mode (that's a nice way of saying there is no way sex is going to happen). So avoid the danger of the late-night hours and make it a priority to have some alone time with your spouse earlier in the evening.
Or, you could initiate sex in the morning, or the middle of the day on the weekend or a day off. Pay attention to your spouse's preferences, but change up the time now and then.
Enjoy the spontaneity of making love at 2 p.m. on a Saturday afternoon, or at 5 a.m. on Wednesday morning (long before the kids are awake, or the commute to work beckons). Changing up the time of day is a perfect way to add some romance back into your love life.
2. Plan on it
By planning on it, we don't mean that you should get out your calendar and schedule time for sex (though that may help some couples). What we mean is that you should give your spouse a little nudge and a wink before heading off to work in the morning, just so they know that you're already looking forward to coming home.
Send him a text during the day that says, "I love you hunk! I can't wait for tonight!" Leave her a little note in her car, sprayed with your cologne, that says "XOXOX ... later?" Or simply give him that look at the table Saturday morning and then mouth the words, "Let's go upstairs ... "
Whatever your approach may be, let your spouse know that you're looking forward to some intimate time together; and the anticipation makes it more fun. 3. Focus
Intimacy demands focus. It's time for just the two of you — away from work; away from the daily routine; away from the kids. It gives you time to recharge, reconnect and be alone — together. One of the best ways to make sex more romantic is to learn to focus.
Forget about your to-do list, or the stresses of work. Forget about your kid's science fair project, or that text that someone just sent you. Just focus on each other. Focus on helping your spouse feel loved.
Men, this may include giving your wife time to talk, to cuddle and to share everything going on in her life. Just remember that emotional intimacy is an important part of marital intimacy (and also leads to much more satisfying physical intimacy!).
And Ladies, know when to stop talking. When it's time for the physical sparks to start flying, it's time to stop talking about the day's events. Nothing breaks the romantic mood like sharing that random thought that just came into your head right in the middle of a romantic moment. Keep your mind focused on your husband and be present.
No matter how long you have been married, there are always things you can do
every day to make your wife happier and more fulfilled. Here are nine
suggestions.
1. Call her from work to express love
While you spend hours upon hours apart each day, be sure to check in with no
other purpose than to say "I love you." Despite having a calendar full of
to-do's, make sure you call her "just because." Whether she's at home with the
kids or working at her own job, she'll appreciate knowing she really is in your
thoughts and that you took the time to show her. A simple text or quirky
Snapchat also work, but hearing your voice will brighten her day in a way
nothing else can.
2. Play with the kids
Whether you help them set the table for dinner, play in the sandbox, or make
time to read stories, the time you spend with your kids will alleviate her
load—whether she has been home all day with the kids or working relentless hours
at the office. The maxim was never truer of the woman who said to her kids, "I
never knew how much I loved your Father until I saw how much he loved
you."
3. Plan a vacation
Your budget may limit the vacations you can take, but it is a fact that
planning one makes you happier. Researchers in the Netherlands studied more than
1,500 people to find the connection between vacation time and happiness.
According to their findings, "the largest boost in happiness comes from the
simple act of planning a vacation". The actual vacation, they found, "boosted
happiness for eight weeks." Find something you can both look forward to by
planning your getaway together.
4. Kiss her for 15 seconds or more
It's no secret the passionate kisses you shared as a young couple fade. One
simple way to improve your marriage is to make sure you have at least one
15-second kiss every day. As Ryan and Selena Frederick of FierceMarriage.com
discovered, 15 seconds can make a huge difference.
"Kissing makes us feel closer; and since we always want to feel closer it
makes sense to make purposed kissing a daily part of our lives," writes Ryan.
"Kissing reminds us of the distinctly human qualities (good and bad) that we
fell in love with in the first place… [and] drown out distractions around
us."
5. Turn off the TV
Or the computer. Or the smartphone. It's no secret "technology is affecting
all kinds of social interactions," notes Dr. Meghan Tyler,
author of "Selling Sex Short". You interrupt face-to-face conversations to
answer your mobile or reply to a text." Put down the phone. Log off your social
accounts and invest some one-on-one, face-to-face time each day. Dr. Tyler is
quick to point out this doesn't require hours everyday. Even a few minutes will
help. "You have to reinvest in your relationship, which doesn't mean spending
eight hours a day in it. You can spend six seconds or 10 minutes daily and see a
change."
6. Remind her why she fell in love with you
Do you remember what you did to win her hand and what she did to win your
heart? Remembering—and recreating—those moments is key to building a beautiful
future. Play one of your songs; look at photos from the early days; talk about
what you did together that you particularly enjoyed.
7. Keep your spiritual bond strong
Take time together to block out all distractions. Whether that's reading
scripture passages, praying or meditating together, or enjoying the peacefulness
of nature, it's important to connect spiritually as a couple. She needs the
break from her everyday craziness and will appreciate when you take the lead and
initiate some time doing those things you both feel strengthen your
souls.
8. Perform random acts of kindness
Do something small every day that plays into what says "love" to her. It
could be a simple written note, a spoken sentence or two of appreciation and
affirmation, or doing a service like washing the dishes or mowing the lawn. Give
her a gift in a way that means most to her and see her smile.
9. Pamper her a little
She doesn't need the spa everyday, but she does deserve some special
treatment. Try giving her a five-minute foot or neck massage, paint her toenails
for her, or make her daily shower a decadent one by gifting her a bottle of her
favorite bath gel or a soft and absorbent bamboo towel.
There are plenty of ways you can light up your wife's life every single day.
Cariloha believes everyone deserves some pampering every day. Check out their
line of ultra-soft, comfortable products that will make your job a little
easier.
Well. That was a busy week. Five races, one trip to Geneva and two PBs. I was
going for three, largely because I thought “three PBS in a week” would be a good
morning debrief opener (see, folks, what I put myself through just for you …)
but it turns out that a mile race with a hangover is not necessarily a whole
load of fun.
To start more or less at the beginning: on Tuesday I had my club mile race on
Wimbledon common. On Wednesday I did my first ever track race – not that I don’t
spend more than my fair share of hours going round in 400m loops, but this was
the first time I’d actually raced on it. It was an open meeting for the
Rosenheim League, and I entered the 3,000m as a non-scorer. Guaranteed PB there,
then. Actually, the most entertaining part of the evening was the appearance of
none other than Dwain Chambers in the 200m. I’m pretty sure he wasn’t expecting
to be beaten in it, but beaten he was …
Then an interlude in Geneva, visiting the HQ of On Running. I’ll be writing
more about this fascinating company soon, so in the interim I offer you some
very pretty running shoes to look at …
Then back to London and an early start at Battersea Park on Saturday morning
for a 10k race. This was the one I was really hoping for a PB in – and got one,
albeit by only three seconds (39min 43sec). It was a very muggy morning, and
despite the 8am start I think most runners were more than usually grateful for
the water cups offered on the four laps of the park.
Then, finally, the Amba City Mile yesterday. I recommend you bookmark this
event for next year, because it is really superb. Well organised, with multiple
waves setting off bang on time (literally, to the starter’s pistol), a medal and
goody bag – and all for free. I’ll say this for mile races: they hurt like hell,
but they are also over in the blink of an eye. However, this was possibly the
most frenetic race I’ve ever done, simply because logistics meant I started in
the 11.20am wave, pegged it to the finish (ow), then had to pretty much keep on
sprinting to get around to the start of the 11.30am wave, pick up my six year
old and do it all over again in the Family wave with her. (Fortunately at a
slightly more sedate pace once I caught her.)
It was her first mile race, so she was utterly over the moon to get a medal
at the end of it – and, of course, a PB. Alas for me, I was a second outside
mine, though personally I’m pretty sure a hangover and five races in a week
equates to at least 10 seconds for a mile, right?
Sheila Kitzinger, the “high priestess of natural childbirth”, has died at the
age of 86. She could reasonably be said to have done more than anyone else to
change attitudes to childbirth in the past 50 years. It was her belief that
childbirth should not be reduced to a pathological event and she waged a
relentless crusade against its medicalisation. She felt obstetricians had taken
control, pushing aside the hands-on experience of midwives and the personal
needs and wishes of mothers.
Kitzinger believed birth should be seen and experienced as a highly personal
and social event, one that was even sensual and sexual. She promoted birth
practices that were far more women-centred and humanised than those followed in
most hospitals in Britain, and other western societies. She suggested that women
should draw up their own birth plans and decide for themselves whether, among
other things, they might want to move around during labour or even give birth in
water. Body awareness, innovative relaxation techniques and special breathing
patterns were all elements she promoted. More controversially, she advocated the
acceptance of labour pain, seeing it as a side effect of a task willingly
undertaken ‑ pain with a purpose.
The impetus for her career and her vocation was her mother, who worked in an
early family planning clinic and was an active campaigner for birth control.
Sheila recalled how her mother would see and counsel women in her own sitting
room, with her daughter hiding behind the sofa listening. “Mother was
passionately concerned about different aspects of women’s lives, but she left
school when she was 14 and never had the education to do the things she needed
to do,” Kitzinger once recalled. “I felt that I had the education and therefore
it was my duty to take her work forward.”
She was born to Alec, a tailor, and Clare Webster in Somerset and was
educated in Taunton at Bishop Fox girls’ school. After training to teach drama
and voice production, she instead went to Oxford, where she studied social
anthropology at Ruskin and St Hugh’s colleges. She had two passionate concerns
in life: the marginalisation of people who did not fit into society for some
reason, and women and childbirth. In 1951 she went to the department of
anthropology at Edinburgh University to carry out research into British race
relations.
In 1952 she married the economist Uwe Kitzinger. Her first child was born
four years later when her husband was in the diplomatic service and they were
living in France. Sheila chose a home birth, which was highly shocking to her
fellow diplomatic wives at the time.
In 1958 she joined the advisory board of the newly formed Natural Childbirth
Trust (NCT, renamed the National Childbirth Trust in 1961) and soon afterwards
became a consultant to the International Childbirth Education Association, in
the US, both organisations inspired by the writings of the British obstetrician
Grantly Dick-Read. She began to develop her “psychosexual approach” to
birth.
Kitzinger researched styles of childbearing and preparation for childbirth in
societies as varied as those of the Caribbean, US, Canada (among the Inuit),
China, South America and in Africa. In Britain she taught couples and trained
teachers from the NCT as well as lecturing widely in North and South America,
Israel, Europe and Australia. But it was in 1962 that Kitzinger came to real
prominence, with the publication of her book The Experience of Childbirth.
Radical at the time, it was a powerful exposition of her argument; a
woman-centred view of childbirth. In the late 1950s and early 60s the
medicalisation of childbirth was at its peak and Kitzinger’s message, that birth
is a potent and exhilarating experience in which women’s needs and choices
should be paramount, struck a chord with many.
The book’s impact was considerable. Up until then, enemas, shaving and
episiotomies had been unquestioned routines in modern childbirth and seen as
essential. As a result of the book, the publicity surrounding it and Kitzinger’s
efforts, these views began to be challenged. The book ran to several editions
and was updated and expanded as The New Experience of Childbirth in 2004.
Kitzinger became a prolific writer and later publications included Birth Over
Thirty (1982) and Birth Over Thirty-Five (1994), Women’s Experience of Sex
(1983), Giving Birth: How It Really Feels (1987; a revised edition of her 1971
book Giving Birth), Breastfeeding Your Baby (1989), Ourselves As Mothers (1992),
The Year After Childbirth (1994), Becoming a Grandmother (1997), Rediscovering
Birth (2000), The Politics of Birth (2005) and Birth Crisis (2006).
Other books such as Education and Counselling for Childbirth (1977) and The
Good Birth Guide (1979) extended her argument that problems in childbirth could
be reduced through education and by using a range of relaxation techniques. In
all she wrote more than 30 books, translated into many different languages, on
birth, sexuality, breastfeeding, childcare, motherhood and grandparenthood, many
of which were bestsellers. Her 1980 book Pregnancy and Childbirth, revised as
The New Pregnancy and Childbirth, with the lastest edition published in 2011,
has sold more than a million copies.
As well as writing her books, she did considerable research into the
induction of labour, epidurals, hospital and midwifery care, home births and
being a grandmother, and she was the first person to research and write about
women’s feelings regarding episiotomy. She had many papers published in
professional journals and articles in the popular press and was a frequent
broadcaster. She also counselled women who had had distressing birth
experiences.
At the Open University (1981-83) she led the team assessing information on
pregnancy and childbirth. She was actively involved in midwifery education in
many countries and was honorary professor at Thames Valley University (now the
University of West London), teaching on its MA course in midwifery at what was
then the Wolfson School of Health Sciences. Over the years she was also an
advocate for pregnant women and new mothers in prison.
Her passionate enthusiasm for natural childbirth had a personal aspect. Her
own experience of birth was of five exhilarating, enjoyable labours without
complications. Commenting on the struggle as a mother to reconcile her own
career needs and aspirations with those of her five daughters she once said: “I
suppose there’s a little bit of me that thinks, if I’d stayed home, and not
argued so much then it might have been easier for some of the girls to have gone
and done their own thing. But I don’t think you can prepare girls for growing up
for the world in which we live today, a world which needs to be changed, by
simply seeing yourself in the mother role. I wanted to have warrior
children.”
Kitzinger was an intensely likeable woman – warm, intelligent, funny and
youthful to the end. She was also unashamed and forceful about being a feminist
social revolutionary, her belief centred on the opportunity for women to reclaim
their bodies. What set her apart from many other campaigners is that she did not
let her deeply held views turn into inflexible dogmatism.
She supported elective caesareans, accepting that not all women found
childbirth as pain-free and delightful as she did. She was open to conciliation
with those she opposed and accepted that there was an opposite side to her
revolution that had, at times, been damaging. Women who feel they have “failed”
to give birth naturally can be as distressed as those who have felt cheated by
having had their births taken over by epidurals, drips and episiotomies. It was
Kitzinger’s flexibility of view and her attempt at empathy with other women that
made her stand apart in the natural childbirth field.
She was a birth activist who campaigned for choice. Her crusade was to change
the culture in which women give birth and she largely succeeded. She was
appointed MBE in 1982 in recognition of her services to education for
childbirth. Her autobiography, A Passion for Birth: My Life – Anthropology,
Family and Feminism, is due to be published next month.
She is survived by her husband and five daughters.
• Sheila Helena Elizabeth Kitzinger, childbirth campaigner and writer, born
29 March 1929; died 11 April 2015
To many, offering lessons about sexual consent in schools sounds like a great
idea. However, we need to go much further than just teaching “No means no” and
“Yes means yes”. Young people I work with know the definition of consent, but
too often they have very little idea about what consent looks, feels and sounds
like. Young people have usually not had a great deal of experience of this.
I’ve worked with many young people who I’ve had concerns about over the
years. If I were to ask them whether sex they had was consensual, their
immediate response would be: “Yeah, it wasn’t rape.” But if I ask them about
whether they enjoyed it, how they communicated, what kind of sex they actually
want and whether they actually want sex – then it can reveal a very different
picture about just how consensual the sex was and how healthy the relationship
really is.
It wasn’t merely raising awareness about contraception that brought down
teenage pregnancy rates, and likewise, we must do more than just teach consent
in order that people have mutually pleasurable sex and relationships. We need to
offer a comprehensive sex and relationships education programme for all ages. In
particular older teens need to be offered something broad, challenging and
inclusive – taught in an age-appropriate, evidence-based and confident
manner.
To start with, we have to think about how we can both teach consent and give
opportunities for young people to actually feel it. In my work with older teens,
I invite people to shake hands with each other. By thinking about what they want
from a handshake, and how they can ask for it, they experience consent and
communication in a very real sense.
We often hear that young people are taught the mechanics of sex but not the
emotional side of things. For the most part, I don’t think we’re that great at
teaching either, and young people seem to agree. I think for many people in
their mid-teens who are thinking of becoming sexually active, the only source of
information about how to “have sex” is from the media (both sexually explicit
and non-sexually explicit) or from actually having sex. Neither of which are
ideal.
So we need to offer sex education that addresses this gap. We can unpack what
we mean by “having sex” – that this is not just about intercourse or sex with a
partner. We can teach that our bodies are diverse, and that people can enjoy
different kinds of sexual activity at different times. Young people should aim
for sex to be a mutually pleasurable experience for the first and every time,
while understanding that not everyone wants sex.
Let’s not lose sight of the fact that many young people also want to tackle
the big issues around love and relationships. Why do people have romantic
relationships? Why should someone risk asking for what they want, when there is
so much at stake? What does trust feel like? How can you have non-romantic
relationships, and why they are valuable? What does loving ourselves mean? How
can we act ethically in relationships? What are our values around sex and
relationships?
If doing all of this sounds difficult, it’s because it is. There are
committed, experienced and well-trained teachers, youth workers and outreach
workers out there who deliver excellent sex and relationships education – but
there aren’t enough of them.
Due to cuts many of them have left the area. Voluntary sector organisations
are struggling to retain contracts and expertise due to fragmented
commissioning. And those of us who have managed to stay in this field for a
number of years have often faced ad hominem attacks from the media and others.
There are no quick fixes, and if sex and relationships education isn’t done
properly, it can do more harm than good.
Count this column as a victory for the
common man, a two fingers up at the powers that be – an achievement akin to the
scrapping of the proposed pasty tax. Not everyone at the Guardian was convinced
I should sink my teeth into the humble corned beef hash, but hardly had I
bulldozed the idea past them than, quite out of the blue, I received a plaintive
tweet requesting that I “settle the mash v fried potatoes conflict once and for
all”. Thank you, Bjam! The cheque is in the post.
To be honest, I too was a late convert to the joys of this supremely
satisfying dish. I can confidently say I didn’t touch corned beef from the age
of 13 until my mid-20s, a legacy of the teatime choices at school in my
formative years. To say a corned beef roll was the lesser of the two evils can
only be understood when you know that the only other choice was luncheon meat,
Spam’s less glamorous cousin. I’d had my fill for life – or so I thought, until
an ex introduced me, kicking and screaming, to the corned beef hash. It was love
at first bite. But how on earth do you work such magic on a tin of beef?
The beef
Gary Rhodes’s corned beef hash.Photograph: Felicity Cloake/Guardian
Staunch traditionalists may want to skip this paragraph and just assume that
Prince’s won out. But the thing is, though tinned corned beef is certainly the
cheapest option, it’s not the best. OK, a hash is a good way to turn the stuff
from edible to surprisingly delicious, but in a side-by-side test with the
British corned beef sold alongside other cured meats in a certain well-known
supermarket, it didn’t come off well. To be honest, it tasted rather fusty, of
salt and fat rather than beef. (And if that’s what you like, try, if possible,
to check the sourcing before buying: tinned corned beef has been linked with
several food scandals in recent years, from the horsemeat affair to the
deforestation of the Amazon.)
Gary Rhodes goes one step further, and gives an excellent recipe for corned
beef in his book The Complete Rhodes Around Britain. He writes that although
“it’s readily available for everyone, it’s so good to eat it homemade”. As he
says, it is surprisingly simple: I buy a large piece of flank, soak it in brine
for three days, then simmer until tender. A pig’s trotter in the same pan
supplies the gelatine needed to bind the meat together once chopped, and I then
leave it to set overnight before slicing into corned beef that is distinctly
juicier and beefier than its commercially made counterpart. Obviously this isn’t
feasible for a quick supper, but I’d highly recommend giving it a go if you have
the time and resources. A warning: because it hasn’t been compressed into a tin,
my homemade stuff melts in the pan, lubricating the other ingredients with its
jelly and leaving strands of delicious salty beef, which crisp up gratifyingly
in the heat. I prefer this to the neat little cubes suggested in recipes such as
Delia Smith’s, but others may not.
The vegetables
Daniel Doherty’s corned beef hash.Photograph: Felicity Cloake/Guardian
Onions are a must – the only recipe I try that omits them is the salt beef
hash dish I’ve adapted from Dan Doherty’s Duck and Waffle cookbook, which uses
confit shallots instead. Delicious, but far too fancy for such a simple dish at
home. I like the onions thinly sliced, as Rhodes and Delia Smith suggest, rather
than chopped, so they don’t get lost, and slightly caramelised to add sweetness,
rather than simply softened.
Potatoes are the other mandatory ingredient. Smith clues me into the fact
there are two corned beef hashes divided by a common language when she writes:
“I love New York and, in particular, New York delis, where I always order a hot
pastrami sandwich on rye bread and my husband always orders corned beef hash
with a fried egg. Although we don’t have the same type of corned beef here, our
humble, modest tinned version makes a mean old hash.” I realise that what she,
Doherty and Rhodes are making is what Rhodes indeed describes as “an American
corned beef hash”, where all the ingredients are fried hard until crisp, a
treatment that demands a robust, waxy potato such Doherty’s new variety, or
Smith’s desiree or king edward.
Very lovely they are too, but the corned beef hash I’m used to has a softer,
wetter texture, and is better made with a floury variety. I’d stop short of the
mash suggested by Tom Norrington-Davies in his book Just Like Mother Used to
Make, unless you’ve got some you need to dispose of. Adding it in chunks gives
the hash a more interesting texture, especially if you leave the skin on, as
Smith suggests. Sheila’s corned beef hash.Photograph: Felicity Cloake/Guardian
One of the best tips I get is from a lovely little book of recipes published
in tribute to my dog trainer’s nanna Sheila, which includes a facsimile of the
recipe in question, “real Newcastle comfort food”, written out by the lady
herself. Instead of precooking the potatoes, as everyone else suggests, Sheila
adds them to the pan raw, then simmers them in beef stock until tender. It is a
brilliant idea – they absorb the stock to become deliciously rich and
wonderfully beefy. Sheila, I take my woolly hat off to you.
Norrington-Davies adds tinned tomatoes and peas to his dish, explaining that
the latter was “a peculiarity of my father’s … the sweetness cuts through the
saltiness of this meat very nicely”. I like both additions, the tomatoes
bringing a little fruity acidity and the peas, as he says, balancing the savoury
meat, but the tomatoes turn it into another dish entirely. The peas, though
welcome, are certainly not necessary for a decent hash, but if, like me, you’d
like to introduce a green element, I’d recommend chucking in a handful.
Seasoning and additions
Tom Norrington-Davies’s corned beef hash.Photograph: Felicity Cloake/Guardian
Smith marinates her corned beef chunks in a piquant mixture of wholegrain
mustard and Worcestershire sauce, both of which make an excellent counterpoint
to the bland potato and fatty meat. Norrington-Davies’s Tabasco is another fine
addition if you’d like a touch of spice – I often slosh it on the side. Doherty
serves his hash with gherkins (which again cut through the fattiness nicely),
and he and Smith top their hashes with a fried egg, with Doherty adding his
customary dollop of hollandaise.
There is no arguing with the fact that the latter two items improve almost
everything they touch, but I’d save the hollandaise for a special corned beef
hash occasion, and the egg for those moments when you’re really, really hungry.
Strictly speaking, the dish needs neither, though the egg yolk does supply a
certain pleasingly gooey richness. That said, Norrington-Davies and Doherty
perspicaciously observe that corned beef hash makes an excellent brunch dish
(well, Doherty writes that it’s “the kind of food we have found people tend to
look for around the 4am mark, but it also works as a post-sleep cure”), which
may be the time when you start to cast around for the eggs and butter. Sheila
serves hers with baked beans – a classic presentation.
Cooking
Delia Smith’s corned beef hash.Photograph: Felicity Cloake/Guardian
Sheila, Doherty and Norrington-Davies all finish their dishes off in the oven
or under the grill, giving them a deliciously crisp, golden top. This gives a
lovely contrast, in Sheila’s case, with the juicy, tender potatoes beneath, and
is well worth an extra five minutes’ wait. Use this time to ready the
ketchup. (Serves 2) Generous knob of butter 1 large onion, finely sliced 1 large (about 275-300g) floury potato, such as maris piper, unpeeled
but cut into 1cm chunks 350ml hot beef stock 200g corned beef, cut into 1cm chunks 100g peas (optional) 1 tbsp grain mustard (or to taste) 1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce (or to taste) 2 eggs (optional)
Melt the butter in a frying pan over a medium-high heat. Fry the onion,
stirring frequently, until golden, then add the potatoes. Stir to coat with
butter, cook for a minute or so, then pour in the stock. Simmer for about 15-20
minutes until the potatoes are really tender and the stock has almost
evaporated, adding more hot water if necessary.
Heat the grill. Stir in the corned beef, peas, mustard and Worcestershire
sauce. Turn up the heat and cook, stirring occasionally, for about five minutes,
until they’re heated through. Put the pan under the grill for about five minutes
until the top is crisp and golden.
Meanwhile, if you’re topping the dish with eggs, heat a small frying pan, add
a little more butter and fry the eggs to your liking. Serve on top of the
hash. Corned beef hash: best of British or the worst school-dinner stodge?
Would you defend tinned corned beef to the death, or are you tempted to make
your own? And are there any other family favourites you’d like me to
tackle?
The holidays are over, the kids are back at school and you've racked up an
impressive list of New Year's resolutions. It's time to get everything running
smoothly — a difficult feat for a busy family. But this is your year! If you're
looking to make 2015 your most organized year yet, here are some places to
start. Capitalize on that New Year's energy, and make it happen! Meal
plan
End the nightly debate over what's for dinner, and plan a month's worth
of meals in under 10 minutes. Simply assign a theme to each day. For example,
you might have "meat-free Monday, slow cooker Tuesday, comfort food Wednesday,
soup and sandwich Thursday, fun and easy Friday, leftover Saturday, and family
dinner Sunday." Grab a blank calendar and pick a meal for all the Mondays, then
all the Tuesdays and so on. Use whatever categories your family likes, and
rotate them seasonally. For example, add in grilling for the summer and soups
for winter. Combine calendars
Most of our families go in a million different directions each day. Keep
everything together by using one large family calendar hung in a central
location. Most office stores sell large format calendars designed as desk
blotters. These make perfect family calendars. While you're out calendar
shopping, pick up a pack of colored pens and designate a different color for
each family member.
In families with older kids, you can go high-tech. There are a variety of
smartphone apps that let you share calendars between all your family devices.
Train your teens to add their obligations to the family calendar, and save
yourself the trouble. Create a command center
Do you feel like you're drowning in paper? Between all the bills and
stuff that comes home from school, most families generate an entire forest of
flyers throughout the year. Keep it all corralled in one central location.
Buy magazine files and pocket folders and start organizing. Make one
magazine file for school papers, and assign each child a different color folder
to keep inside. Label another magazine file for bills, and keep separate color
folders for each company you pay. Designate a third magazine file for important
documents, then label separate folders for insurance documents, birth and
marriage certificates, mortgage or loan documents, warranty information, health
insurance information and retirement paperwork. You may also want a magazine
file for home design inspiration — a place to store paint chips for the current
colors in your home, etc. Stay on top of cleaning
Get the family involved in picking up. Set a timer for 10 minutes before
dinner each night, and challenge your family to see who can pick up the most
items before the timer goes off. If you have kids, consider a small reward such
as getting served first at dinner or a sticker for the nightly winner. For teens
and tweens, give them more screen time or extend curfew by 15 minutes to keep
them motivated.
To keep up with harder cleaning tasks — like scrubbing bathrooms and
vacuuming — commit to a schedule that keeps you doing one big chore and one load
of laundry each day. No one wants to spend an entire Saturday morning cleaning
the house, so spread tasks throughout the week. Don't forget to enlist your kids
for help. Assigning chores teaches responsibility and encourages a strong work
ethic. Declutter everything
When you think decluttering, your mind probably goes to "stuff," but this
is the perfect time to declutter your whole life. Get rid of all the unnecessary
objects in your home, and while you're at it, get rid of all the unnecessary
commitments in your schedule. Say "no" more often, both to bringing needless
objects into your home and to demands on your time.
If you're looking to make changes in your life, there's no better time
than the present. It's hard making organizational changes with a family, but
keep everyone on track until it becomes part of the routine. With a little
persistence, 2015 can become your most organized year yet.
